the necessity to start

5 years ago, i was obsessed with a service where 2 matched users would listen to music & chat together. there's a lady having similar music preference with me. we spent hours talking about music, life, world... in the end, i questioned her "so what's the meaning of life". her answer was: to create.

the fact is that, i've been indulging in depression & corruption these 5 years, absolutely wasting my time & doing nothing.
i have serious bipolar disorder and i've been medicated for 3 years. i try to take the minimum dose of quetiapine but still, my thinking ability and intelligence have been hugely affected.
and three years ago, i started to abuse llms. llms make me think less, write less, lazier and lazier, dumber and dumber. i've lost my creativity.
well. i must make a change. i must start to work more, write more, create more. i must abandon brooding and llms. and the situation is that, i don't know what to do. i know a little about computer-science & data-science but that's all.
this will be a long journey. but at least, i need to record it from the very beginning.

what do i need to start

so, let's clear our mind one more time.